Now is it me or do we just go to school to graduate to go back to school?
I graduated from high school to attend college and once I graduate from college I will attend graduate school.Although schooling is an option it's like the process does not stop.
I currently attend Wayne State University and in certain ways it feel like I haven't left high school.
Indeed I can come and go as I please but sometimes the level in which my proffers treat their students is so high school to me.In lectures I go crazy trying to pay attention to things that I am not remotely interested in,things are BANANAS!
Nearly every one who seeks education past high school is better off in life so I question is that why I am in school.
Is it because I seek a six figure job or is it because I seek personal fulfillment?
Its rare that you find a person who is just in school to be in school,everyone has a motive.
What is your motive?
My passion these days seems to be writing but for some reason I won't allow myself to peruse a career or even everyday to write.
I think all these years of school and all this time that I put into school is in some way preventing me from living the life I imagined but in the same breath with out schooling my options are slim to none.
Hmm years of schooling and a good job versis couch potatoe and no money....DIND DING!!
I'll take the years of schooling.
So bring it on I'll keep going to school to graduate to go back and gradute again,if thats what it takes.
My parents didn't raise a quitter so I plan to conitune doing my thing with school in hopes that one day all this effort and money will carry me into a vibrant future!
Until next time.........................SMOOCHES!!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Thursday, September 24, 2009
You
I thought I was investing something rare when I put effort and time into YOU
Submerged in my own ignorance I thought I could actually change YOU
Not being realistic I thought I could take you out the streets and make YOU something YOU never were meant to be
I thought we could grow togather But by trying to grow with YOU I was only stopping YOU from being YOU
Being selfish I tried to lock YOU down when YOU really just wanted to be free
I stood for everything YOU wanted to do and be,but now I see all's YOU want to do is run the streets
In your life money seems to be the only thing that matters to YOU
I was in over my head when I first met YOU
I thought damn,now thats a real manI was on your team,I cheered and rooted for YOU
I thought I was your bonnie and YOU were my clyde in the beginning we both were down for the ride
Life is a mutha fucka that's why they say death has to be easy I always would resite that to YOU after I heard 50 cent say it but until we departed I never knew how true that line could be
I'm not mad that what we had could never be,because after all YOU were just doing YOU
We went through the ABC's of learning about each other but in the end I realize now that I know absolutely nothing about YOU
I tried to keep you from being on the block but the streets runs deep in your veins and I think that money is over powering YOU
Life is a paper chase but YOU can't replace people with material things
There will always be a space for YOU in my heart but deep down inside I know that me and YOU can never be
We are like a roller coaster first were up then were down but YOU always push me away so I stopped trying to get closer
Your a soilder but YOU lost the war at fighting for my heart
We can always be friends just YOU and me but us is something me and YOU can never be
I've taken the us and we out the only thing that remains is just YOU and me
I pray for YOU more than I pray for myself which is how I know I truely care but in my heart I know that one day you'll figure out this thing called life out
YOU think YOU have your priorities figuerd out but honestly YOU still have some things YOU need to figure out
But I'm afriad when that day comes I will no longer be there
There was only so much I could take and right now I'm fed up
Life is much easier when YOU have someone there to help you put things in order But I guess YOU want to put things here and there until you've pushed them so far back their no longer there
People can say what they like But deep down in your heart I know that YOU know what YOU want
I think your just afraid It's ok to be YOU
It's ok to show the world who YOU really areI want YOU to be YOU because no matter what YOU decide I will always think highly of YOU
ButFor now I'll leave YOU to do YOU
And on your journey I hope YOU find out who YOU really are And until that day I'll always be near supporting YOU and showing YOU that the world isn't always so cold when you have a friend on the side lines cheering for YOU
Monday, August 17, 2009
MEN and WOMAN
I'm watching wife swap and this man treats his wife like crap.
She is suppose to COOK,
CLEAN,and have SEX
with him.They treat their dog better than their wife and mother.
Now let's step into------>REALITY
Woman can indeed do nearly everything men can do and that is vice versa.Now I'm sure there are certain limits to the things men and woman can do that the other can not do for various reasons;but for the most part we are equals.This is not the 1940's where men go out and work and women have to stay home and bake cookies all day.I believe in marriage and life period women and men should be treated as equals.In the work force it has always been said that a woman has to make sexual favors to make advances and I believe that idea is beyond ignorant.
This video is very interesting and breaks into barriers as to why people may think that MEN and WOMEN have to maintain these roles.There will always be situations where a man or woman may be needed but whose to say that men are made for certain jobs and situations and woman aren't.
RAISING CHILDREN
Now I can't sit here and say that sometimes when raising children that you don't need a mother and a father for certain situations;but men can be equally as good of parents as woman. For some reason people think only women can raise children. There have been plenty of times when people have grown up with just a father and turned out just as well as someone raised by a mother or a mother and father.There is no rule book that says only a woman knows how to raise a child.Men can equally take care of a child.
EMOTIONS
Some speculations have been made about women and their emotions.Now history shows that women are emotional but that doesn't mean that we are unable to handle certain situations.Men have been known to be the rulers of an iron fist but that doesn't mean they can not show sensitivity. I believe that woman and men do bare emotions differently but that doesn't mean either of them are made to only handle certain situations. At the end of the day they are all emotions.
The difference is we just bare them differently.
With all that said men and women shouldn't play the role we should treat each other as equals and either sex should have a value higher than the other because we all are of equal importance.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
My Dog
My dog has done some crazy things.Since the first day he stepped into my families home he has showed the love and affection of an animal but he has also damaged numerous things around our house.
When we first received Tigger he was only a few days old.From that day on he only created mess after mess but he also blessed us with bunches of laughs and unconditional love.
Where do I start with the things he has destroyed....?
I could start with the time I left for school and came back and he demolished several books from my book shelf or the time he ate my comforter to shreds.
My dad had a pair of Red Wing work boots and one day we returned home and Tigger ate them down to a sandal. My mother and I thought it was the funniest thing in the world but only GOD could save his butt from my dad.
Tigger decided he was thirsty one day and destroyed our white carpet with a bottle of juice he carried around the house then he got hungry and decided to eat my sisters boot as a snack along with several roles of toilet paper.
My dad has several fitted hats I guess Tigger decided he was jealous that he couldn't wear one so he decided to eat it.
There also was the time we left for work and school and Tigger took a whack at eating the wood from the kitchen cabinets.
I will never forget the time I tugged and pulled trying to get my shoe from his mouth, he is a feisty little dog.
There are countless things that my crazy dog has ruined but never in a million years would I trade him for any other dog.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Summer
Summer brings joy to all those who experience it. The warm sunshine radiates off your face as the breeze brushes against your skin. Children enjoy playing in sprinkles and riding their bikes hoping to get enough play time in before the street lights come on. Men find it as an opportunity to see all the woman who parade around in their short,shorts and their mini skirts. Everyone even the elderly enjoy refreshing lemon aid or flagging down the ice cream truck for a frozen treat. Summer is when the green grass grows and the beautiful flowers blossom. Beaches are over crowded and water slides are cluttered. Animals enjoy sun bathing while their owners conduct a barbecue. As you drink you sweet tea bee's buzz around your head but you pay them no mind because your so wrapped up in how beautiful the sky appears to be.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
The Man
Well recently I have been working on writing a book.It isn't complete or set in stone but I do have a solid outline in my head of course on exactly what I want it to be about.The following is two chapters from what I have completed. The chapters are in bold letters titled 2003 which is the very first chapter and Fresh Boy which is the second chapter.
Background information:The book is about a young man named Christopher who loses his mother at a young age who in return turns to the streets to become a man.Christopher is faced with many ordeals and his main motive is money until his girlfriend Jazz becomes pregnant with his baby.
The year 2003 is the year I will never forget and that’s for a couple of reasons. My mother got so fed up with my pops she went out one night and got herself killed by some little young nigga named Rico. My mom was a hard working woman but she let my pop’s get the best of her. She had a drug habit and I guess the drugs took over her. I loved my mama and I don’t think any less of her because she used drugs. My mother wasn’t a full pledged crack head she just used them to escape the hell my father put her through. I turned thirteen that year and at the same time I was forced to show myself how to be a man since my father already didn’t give a damn about me or the fact that my mama; his wife of twelve years had just died. I guess it was a few days after my birthday that I figured out my way to make stacks. I was tired of little school yard bullshit and little young nigga’s showing me up. I had never had money and I felt like it was my time to shine. I knew this one dude that always had the newest shit and you would never catch him wearing the same shit twice. I looked up to that nigga like he was some kind of GOD. I wanted to go above and beyond what he was doing so I took forth the steps to get my paper just like the next nigga. I never thought of myself as being a street nigga but I had to do what I had to do regardless money was money.
It was a hot day in May and I was walking home from school when I bumped into Mike A.K.A “Sticky Fingers.” He got the name because the nigga could take shit from right up under a fly. He was about eighteen but if you didn’t know him from around the way you would think he was about twenty-five, my mans was doing his grown man. He had all the hoes and yes I mean hoes, chicks that would do anything to get a dollar. I never disrespected females but they deserved the title; sobbing niggas up in hallways and in the back of their lacks; shit was crazy. He was pushing fancy whips and his wrist game was proper. I would watch BET and the same shit rappers had he had. Dude had it all and I had to get in tight cause I wanted to have it all plus some, I owed it to my mom’s she did everything under the sun for me and I never did shit but bitch to her about what I didn’t have. Any way all that shit is irrelevant back to my point about Sticky Fingers the nigga got me in. I started off talking smart and shit; letting that nigga know that I knew my numbers and right off the back I had his attention. He was smart but he could be smarter but he ran with dumb mother fucka’s. I threw my game at him and walked away all nonchalantly. I didn’t want to try too hard; I wanted that nigga coming to me.
“Aye my man’s what’s yo name?” He yelled out.
I looked back, “Chris.”
He laughed,” Iight kid I see you talk a good game. Are you about that money or not?”
“Hell yeah!” I said stopping dead in my tracks.
He threw me a cell phone,” When it rings you come; no bullshit lil nigga.”
I already knew I was in because word got out later that night that Sticky Fingers had an eye for a young nigga who was good at punching numbers and that’s how I got my start. I instantly became cocky within my domain, but I didn’t let the world know that I was on a high. Most of the time Sticky had me doing small time shit counting and bagging money but I wanted to be in the major leagues and run with the big boys. I wanted to be delivering and dropping off shit most of all I wanted to be one of his right hand men.
I started having cash daily and I wasn’t worried about shit but getting my money. A few months later my pop’s kicked me out after a fight we had, I didn’t give a damn I had a chick Down Town that was holding me down so I had a place to rest my head at night. I was showering her with money and dicking her down so she didn’t have shit to complain about. Shawty was sixteen and had her own spot, life was all good. I was hitting the block every day with sticky hitting mad licks and running up on little chump’s that tried to get in our way. I was making major money now I had worked my way in tight with all of sticky nigga’s plus I had my own little side hustle. Don’t get in twisted I still went to school every day because if it there were two thing’s that my pop’s did teach me; don’t let the money make you and don’t be dumb while making money. I had opened three bank accounts and money kept rolling in. I had ol girl falling in love and we slowly had been making our way up the food chain. At first I thought she was in it for the money but she proved me wrong. There would be times where I didn’t even see her or drop cash on her and she still held it down for me. Sometimes if I didn’t make it home by the usual she would call to make sure I was iight. Nigga’s on the block would tease me saying we was playing house, if we were I liked it.
Fresh Boy
When 2004 rolled around I had young and old nigga’s looking up to me. In a matter of months I was flipping more bricks for Sticky then most of his goons. I hit high school and thought I was the shit. I was getting mad respect from every angle and most nigga’s was trying to make friends just to get in where they fit in. I wasn’t worried about the little high school hype my motive was to learn and then get back to the money. I took time out every day to study and do home work, I couldn’t be an illiterate guy it didn’t fit my swag. Chicks threw it at me left and right but I didn’t crave what they were offering. Most of them were bitches from off my block that wouldn’t give me the time of the day. I already had a Ride or Die at the crib regardless of who was throwing their panties at me. Sticky had took me in and showed me all the tricks and rules to the streets. I looked up to him he because he showed a little nigga like me respect and unlike most block boys a lot more people respected him than feared him. Sticky tried to do shit the clean way and not use guns, just straight knuckles. He never shed blood unless it was necessary. Soon all that shit about not runn’n with guns changed when he got shot walking to his car outside his girl’s house. Eighteen years old and laying in the bed hooked to too many machines to count. At that moment I vowed to myself I was going to hold the block down and protect mine what happened to Sticky would never happen to me or so I thought. When you’re a young nigga you think you’re invincible and that’s the same shit that got Sticky gunned down. Out of all of Sticky’s boy’s I was the only one man enough to visit him in the hospital it was straight doe Sticky figured he needed nigga’s to hold down the block and keep an eye on his girl Toni. I made sure that I always was protected; I’d be damn if I got shot up on the block while a little nigga was making a casual stroll. Sticky became suspicious of some of his boys he wasn’t sure if he was set up or not. I figured it was some young buck who was tired of getting shitted on was looking to hit a little lick on Sticky. That was one thing about Sticky and me we never walked around with stacks unless we actually needed them because that’s how you get stuck up on the street. Nigga’s was mad cause we was eaten and they was still hungry. I was fourteen at the time and dudes twice my age paid me my respect which is how “Ace” became my hood name and nobody but my girl Jazz was calling me Chris. This old school cat Big Jim was the first to call me Ace and I ran with it. Big Jim was well respected and most nigga’s was scared of him because his rap sheet was as long as a river is wide and the cops could never stick him for shit. Big Jim was like the God Father of the hood. I’d rather not be known as a block boy but it’s what I was. The streets had become a part of my life. Thanks to Sticky and dudes like Big Jim my bank account only got bigger and I stayed with food in my stomach.
July 4th just hit and all the hoes were on the Isle. I was in a Caprice Classic with the two tone tent. Ice Wood was banging through my amps and I was on the prowl. No doubt Jazz was my girl but shit I was thirsty for females at the moment. I had this one little brown skin girl on the Eastside who couldn’t get enough of me and I wasn’t even throwing anything her way but the dick. I don’t know if it was the heat or not but I was horny as hell and I was looking for the next chick that I could dick down and be done with. I got fucked in the game when I pulled up on this one brawd Alishia she spit her game until her mans pulled up on us.
“Bitch is you stupid?” He asked jumping out his car.
Jumping out the car like the ice cream man was passing out free weave,” Bbb—baby, what are you doing here?”
He yanked her ass up by her hair,”Fuck are you doing with this nigga?”
I already knew what was about to come my way so I grabbed my nine and just paced myself. I wasn’t a hoe ass nigga but I saw what my mans had up under his shirt. The Nigga didn’t hesitate.
“Are you fucking my girl?” He asked.
Laughing,” Naw man we was just chillen in the cut.”
“Oh I’m funny nigga. Well how about I tell Jazz? Yeah nigga I know who you are.”
I just sat back and listened to what that nigga was saying Jazz was a hood chick but I knew that shit would break her heart before it made her try to gut a nigga like a fish.
I got out the car,” Man all that shit aint even necessary.”
He laughed and walked away.
I hopped in my car and turned the radio up loud as hell and sped off. I was mad as hell but it was my fault. When I got home that night it was about 8:30 and Jazz was sitting right there waiting. Damn word moves fast I thought to myself.
“Hey baby!” I said with this fake as smile.
Jazz launched a picture of us right at me barely missing my head.
I slowly walked towards her,” Baby I’m sorry.”
Tears streamed down her face,” I’m pregnant and you want to creep on me with these little nasty hoes.”
I stopped dead in my tracks Jazz wasn’t the type to lie or cheat so I didn’t dare question if she was fa real.
I sat on the couch next to her,” Damn bae why didn’t you tell me.”
She glared at me, “I was going to tell you tonight but at this moment I don’t even know if I want to have a baby by yo cheating ass.”
Damn that shit stuck a nigga right in the heart. I had to make things right she was the only girl I ever loved and I wasn’t about to let her trip off me and kill the innocence growing inside her.
“Damn Jazz you know I love you girl. I’m an idiot for ever stepping out on you I swear you’re the best thing that ever happened to me and I want to take care of you and my baby.”
She just looked at me for a minute and then said,” You know I love you but I’m not going to deal with this bullshit. I want to have your baby but if you’re going to be playing house with other bitches every time I turn my head I’m not going to stick around.”
I nodded,” I know baby I’m done with these hoes. You’re all I need and want.”
I meant that shit too. I wasn’t about to lose the only female who wasn’t after my bank role.
That night me and Jazz made love we didn’t just fuck we connected. I caressed her body with care and with every stroke I got deeper and deeper she was wetter than ever. I think for the first time ever I knew that our love was fa real.
“I love you baby!” She said pressing her head against my chest.
I kissed her forehead,” I love you too.”
After that night I never touched another bitch I spit game but I never went further then conversation. Most females lacked understanding so I had to put a few chicks in their place.
It was late December and Sticky tightened up security because that shit that went down in the summer wasn’t about to fly again. If anybody stepped stupid we had an army waiting to pop off. I wasn’t worried about anything but making my money and staying alive to go home to Jazz every night.
I spent the next months taking care of Jazz’s every need. I brought a crib, diapers, a stroller, books, and a whole bunch of other things. Jazz was about ready to pop she was 9 months and a few weeks. Finally the day came that she had my son. Damn I was happy for more than one reason. Pregnant woman are crazy as hell! It was the happiest moment of my life, I had a son. We decided to name him Christopher Isaiah Williams. I spent the next three years helping Jazz raise Jr., but I still hit the block. Having a baby was a lot of work but at the same time it was fun. I had a chance to raise a child and give him things I never had.
Background information:The book is about a young man named Christopher who loses his mother at a young age who in return turns to the streets to become a man.Christopher is faced with many ordeals and his main motive is money until his girlfriend Jazz becomes pregnant with his baby.
2003
The year 2003 is the year I will never forget and that’s for a couple of reasons. My mother got so fed up with my pops she went out one night and got herself killed by some little young nigga named Rico. My mom was a hard working woman but she let my pop’s get the best of her. She had a drug habit and I guess the drugs took over her. I loved my mama and I don’t think any less of her because she used drugs. My mother wasn’t a full pledged crack head she just used them to escape the hell my father put her through. I turned thirteen that year and at the same time I was forced to show myself how to be a man since my father already didn’t give a damn about me or the fact that my mama; his wife of twelve years had just died. I guess it was a few days after my birthday that I figured out my way to make stacks. I was tired of little school yard bullshit and little young nigga’s showing me up. I had never had money and I felt like it was my time to shine. I knew this one dude that always had the newest shit and you would never catch him wearing the same shit twice. I looked up to that nigga like he was some kind of GOD. I wanted to go above and beyond what he was doing so I took forth the steps to get my paper just like the next nigga. I never thought of myself as being a street nigga but I had to do what I had to do regardless money was money.
It was a hot day in May and I was walking home from school when I bumped into Mike A.K.A “Sticky Fingers.” He got the name because the nigga could take shit from right up under a fly. He was about eighteen but if you didn’t know him from around the way you would think he was about twenty-five, my mans was doing his grown man. He had all the hoes and yes I mean hoes, chicks that would do anything to get a dollar. I never disrespected females but they deserved the title; sobbing niggas up in hallways and in the back of their lacks; shit was crazy. He was pushing fancy whips and his wrist game was proper. I would watch BET and the same shit rappers had he had. Dude had it all and I had to get in tight cause I wanted to have it all plus some, I owed it to my mom’s she did everything under the sun for me and I never did shit but bitch to her about what I didn’t have. Any way all that shit is irrelevant back to my point about Sticky Fingers the nigga got me in. I started off talking smart and shit; letting that nigga know that I knew my numbers and right off the back I had his attention. He was smart but he could be smarter but he ran with dumb mother fucka’s. I threw my game at him and walked away all nonchalantly. I didn’t want to try too hard; I wanted that nigga coming to me.
“Aye my man’s what’s yo name?” He yelled out.
I looked back, “Chris.”
He laughed,” Iight kid I see you talk a good game. Are you about that money or not?”
“Hell yeah!” I said stopping dead in my tracks.
He threw me a cell phone,” When it rings you come; no bullshit lil nigga.”
I already knew I was in because word got out later that night that Sticky Fingers had an eye for a young nigga who was good at punching numbers and that’s how I got my start. I instantly became cocky within my domain, but I didn’t let the world know that I was on a high. Most of the time Sticky had me doing small time shit counting and bagging money but I wanted to be in the major leagues and run with the big boys. I wanted to be delivering and dropping off shit most of all I wanted to be one of his right hand men.
I started having cash daily and I wasn’t worried about shit but getting my money. A few months later my pop’s kicked me out after a fight we had, I didn’t give a damn I had a chick Down Town that was holding me down so I had a place to rest my head at night. I was showering her with money and dicking her down so she didn’t have shit to complain about. Shawty was sixteen and had her own spot, life was all good. I was hitting the block every day with sticky hitting mad licks and running up on little chump’s that tried to get in our way. I was making major money now I had worked my way in tight with all of sticky nigga’s plus I had my own little side hustle. Don’t get in twisted I still went to school every day because if it there were two thing’s that my pop’s did teach me; don’t let the money make you and don’t be dumb while making money. I had opened three bank accounts and money kept rolling in. I had ol girl falling in love and we slowly had been making our way up the food chain. At first I thought she was in it for the money but she proved me wrong. There would be times where I didn’t even see her or drop cash on her and she still held it down for me. Sometimes if I didn’t make it home by the usual she would call to make sure I was iight. Nigga’s on the block would tease me saying we was playing house, if we were I liked it.
Fresh Boy
When 2004 rolled around I had young and old nigga’s looking up to me. In a matter of months I was flipping more bricks for Sticky then most of his goons. I hit high school and thought I was the shit. I was getting mad respect from every angle and most nigga’s was trying to make friends just to get in where they fit in. I wasn’t worried about the little high school hype my motive was to learn and then get back to the money. I took time out every day to study and do home work, I couldn’t be an illiterate guy it didn’t fit my swag. Chicks threw it at me left and right but I didn’t crave what they were offering. Most of them were bitches from off my block that wouldn’t give me the time of the day. I already had a Ride or Die at the crib regardless of who was throwing their panties at me. Sticky had took me in and showed me all the tricks and rules to the streets. I looked up to him he because he showed a little nigga like me respect and unlike most block boys a lot more people respected him than feared him. Sticky tried to do shit the clean way and not use guns, just straight knuckles. He never shed blood unless it was necessary. Soon all that shit about not runn’n with guns changed when he got shot walking to his car outside his girl’s house. Eighteen years old and laying in the bed hooked to too many machines to count. At that moment I vowed to myself I was going to hold the block down and protect mine what happened to Sticky would never happen to me or so I thought. When you’re a young nigga you think you’re invincible and that’s the same shit that got Sticky gunned down. Out of all of Sticky’s boy’s I was the only one man enough to visit him in the hospital it was straight doe Sticky figured he needed nigga’s to hold down the block and keep an eye on his girl Toni. I made sure that I always was protected; I’d be damn if I got shot up on the block while a little nigga was making a casual stroll. Sticky became suspicious of some of his boys he wasn’t sure if he was set up or not. I figured it was some young buck who was tired of getting shitted on was looking to hit a little lick on Sticky. That was one thing about Sticky and me we never walked around with stacks unless we actually needed them because that’s how you get stuck up on the street. Nigga’s was mad cause we was eaten and they was still hungry. I was fourteen at the time and dudes twice my age paid me my respect which is how “Ace” became my hood name and nobody but my girl Jazz was calling me Chris. This old school cat Big Jim was the first to call me Ace and I ran with it. Big Jim was well respected and most nigga’s was scared of him because his rap sheet was as long as a river is wide and the cops could never stick him for shit. Big Jim was like the God Father of the hood. I’d rather not be known as a block boy but it’s what I was. The streets had become a part of my life. Thanks to Sticky and dudes like Big Jim my bank account only got bigger and I stayed with food in my stomach.
July 4th just hit and all the hoes were on the Isle. I was in a Caprice Classic with the two tone tent. Ice Wood was banging through my amps and I was on the prowl. No doubt Jazz was my girl but shit I was thirsty for females at the moment. I had this one little brown skin girl on the Eastside who couldn’t get enough of me and I wasn’t even throwing anything her way but the dick. I don’t know if it was the heat or not but I was horny as hell and I was looking for the next chick that I could dick down and be done with. I got fucked in the game when I pulled up on this one brawd Alishia she spit her game until her mans pulled up on us.
“Bitch is you stupid?” He asked jumping out his car.
Jumping out the car like the ice cream man was passing out free weave,” Bbb—baby, what are you doing here?”
He yanked her ass up by her hair,”Fuck are you doing with this nigga?”
I already knew what was about to come my way so I grabbed my nine and just paced myself. I wasn’t a hoe ass nigga but I saw what my mans had up under his shirt. The Nigga didn’t hesitate.
“Are you fucking my girl?” He asked.
Laughing,” Naw man we was just chillen in the cut.”
“Oh I’m funny nigga. Well how about I tell Jazz? Yeah nigga I know who you are.”
I just sat back and listened to what that nigga was saying Jazz was a hood chick but I knew that shit would break her heart before it made her try to gut a nigga like a fish.
I got out the car,” Man all that shit aint even necessary.”
He laughed and walked away.
I hopped in my car and turned the radio up loud as hell and sped off. I was mad as hell but it was my fault. When I got home that night it was about 8:30 and Jazz was sitting right there waiting. Damn word moves fast I thought to myself.
“Hey baby!” I said with this fake as smile.
Jazz launched a picture of us right at me barely missing my head.
I slowly walked towards her,” Baby I’m sorry.”
Tears streamed down her face,” I’m pregnant and you want to creep on me with these little nasty hoes.”
I stopped dead in my tracks Jazz wasn’t the type to lie or cheat so I didn’t dare question if she was fa real.
I sat on the couch next to her,” Damn bae why didn’t you tell me.”
She glared at me, “I was going to tell you tonight but at this moment I don’t even know if I want to have a baby by yo cheating ass.”
Damn that shit stuck a nigga right in the heart. I had to make things right she was the only girl I ever loved and I wasn’t about to let her trip off me and kill the innocence growing inside her.
“Damn Jazz you know I love you girl. I’m an idiot for ever stepping out on you I swear you’re the best thing that ever happened to me and I want to take care of you and my baby.”
She just looked at me for a minute and then said,” You know I love you but I’m not going to deal with this bullshit. I want to have your baby but if you’re going to be playing house with other bitches every time I turn my head I’m not going to stick around.”
I nodded,” I know baby I’m done with these hoes. You’re all I need and want.”
I meant that shit too. I wasn’t about to lose the only female who wasn’t after my bank role.
That night me and Jazz made love we didn’t just fuck we connected. I caressed her body with care and with every stroke I got deeper and deeper she was wetter than ever. I think for the first time ever I knew that our love was fa real.
“I love you baby!” She said pressing her head against my chest.
I kissed her forehead,” I love you too.”
After that night I never touched another bitch I spit game but I never went further then conversation. Most females lacked understanding so I had to put a few chicks in their place.
It was late December and Sticky tightened up security because that shit that went down in the summer wasn’t about to fly again. If anybody stepped stupid we had an army waiting to pop off. I wasn’t worried about anything but making my money and staying alive to go home to Jazz every night.
I spent the next months taking care of Jazz’s every need. I brought a crib, diapers, a stroller, books, and a whole bunch of other things. Jazz was about ready to pop she was 9 months and a few weeks. Finally the day came that she had my son. Damn I was happy for more than one reason. Pregnant woman are crazy as hell! It was the happiest moment of my life, I had a son. We decided to name him Christopher Isaiah Williams. I spent the next three years helping Jazz raise Jr., but I still hit the block. Having a baby was a lot of work but at the same time it was fun. I had a chance to raise a child and give him things I never had.
Change
As a child I watched my brother and sister and wanted to always be in the position they were in.Being the youngest I was always the one who was too young to do what they did or go where they went.As I got older I realized I would soon have my time.The older I get the more I realize how I should of spent those days as a child being a child instead of wishing to be an adult.Being a teen on the verge of being grown I realize I still deal with child like people.I've spent the last year trying to figure out my life.I've spent the last 24 hours wondering what my future holds.I now know that yesterday may shed light on today and today may shed light on tomorrow.I don't write because I want comments and I don't write because I think I'm good at it.I write because it's what I feel.I write because it takes me to new heights.I write because for the few seconds I have the pen in my hand I exscape my worries, I escape the pain and drama.This might seem a little of topic and a little scattered but if you know me then you know it's how I think.When I was 12 I couldn't wait until I was 13,When I was 15 I couldn't wait to be 16,When I was 16 I wouldn't wait to be 18.All my life I've looked forward to hitting those key ages that every young child wishes to be.Now that I've reached 18 I still feel if people think I'm a 13 years old girl.I've made my mistakes but my achievements out number and eliminate my wrong doings.Without mistakes I wouldn't be the person I am and I wouldn't have the knowledge I hold.As only being human it's easier to point the blame then look in the mirror and see whose really to blame.We all have said people change but honestly deep down inside our souls maybe it's us who have changed.I've changed and I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing but deep down I'm still the same old me I'm just moving forward in my life.I can't be stuck in the same place doing the same things forever.I have to move forward and if that means removing people from my life then it's something I have to do.At the end of the day you have to look out for yourself.I've never really understood life and there are days that I think I never will.I have learned life has so much more meaning when you actually slow down to enjoy it.Sometimes you have to let go of your worries and just breathe.I guarantee problems will always exist so you don't have to spend every waking moment worrying about them.Since I was a child I dreamed of being a teacher I loved playing school and I loved being the teacher even more.I always thought I was destined to help people or change a life.I want to change the life of teens and let them know they have options.There are so many people that think they don't have options and that's sad because the world is a place of opportunity.I guess I've always had my share of disappointments but that's apart of the real world.You can't always get what you want.I don't care what people say money can't buy happiness because I've been broke and had things taken from right under me but I had the love of my family to keep me going and with that those things seemed irrelevant.Life is all about change.Life is all about living.Life is all about hope.In hard times I learned it's better to laugh instead of crying.I've been working on controlling my anger because anger never resolves anything.Most of all life is to short to hold grudges against the people you love.Sometimes life can whoop your ass but other times it can cheer you on.I guess the most important thing I've learned from my experiences is things don't have to stay the way they are you have the ability to change them!
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